At least, that used to be the case.
How am I so lucky as to find myself being blindsided by another one of these all too familiar situations is beyond me. You would think at this point, I would be able to sense these locomotives of fate as they barrel down on the nape of my neck, ready to liquefy anything in its way. Hell, at the very worst, I should be able to listen to my fight-or-flight response and get constipated like normal people do. Nope. My body decides to do the EXACT OPPOSITE THING: it turns me on emotionally, mentally and physically, and throws me right onto the tracks, staring into the conductors eyes as we both brace for the point of impact. Color me stupid, color me blind, but you can never color me green.
This time, something happened that was completely foreign to me. It hit me like I had passed out and broke my face on an ashtray in an inebriated stupor...a moment of sober clarity alongside a dislocated jaw, the pain yelling at me. "WAKE THE FUCK UP PAL. YOU'RE DRUNK AND ABOUT TO PUT YOURSELF IN SOME VERY SERIOUS SHIT IF YOU DONT." Choo-Choo. I learned. Jesus Christ, I found myself learning. Analyzing. Listening. Weighing my options. Looking to the past, while not being afraid of the present. And for once...I wasn't acting impulsively. If there is anything that I've learned in the last year, its that impulsive actions will always have an unforeseen consequence.
So there I was, standing my ground, watching as the rocks began to skip around me, when suddenly, I saw a young boy run out in front. My immediate impulse was to scream like a mother fucker to tell him to get off the tracks, but somehow, I knew that he belonged. As he squatted over the now violently shaking steel beneath him, he reached into his pocket, and in one quick motion, placed a penny onto the track and ran to safety. Fighting the urge to close my eyes and allow my fate to be decided for me, I watched as the 100 ton coffin continued to barrel its way towards the inevitable collision that was about to occur.
That damn penny saved me. At first, I thought it was my hand which I had firmly extended away from myself, palm out, in the classic STOP gesture that we all know so well (although, it didn't work so well for that poor security guard in Austin Powers...but I digress). But as I watched the newly created souvenir of my youth bounce back towards my feet, the dots connected better than the stars ever could have written. The edges of the penny completely warped, abraham lincoln's face in a stretched smile across the front. Newton's law was in full-effect today, as I picked up the penny from the graveyard the train had created with its own cargo.
When I was no older than 10, sitting by the campfire in Santa Barbara with my family while making smores, I remember my grandmother telling me, "Andrew, you must never lose sight of who you are or what you stand for. Nobody can ever take that away from you except for yourself. If you are in a position where you no longer know, then you need to remove yourself from it." With the sound of the coastline train in the distance, she handed me a handful of change from a bag off the table.
I am in control of how I choose to harness the powers around me. I can lie down and allow myself to be steamrolled by the effervescent tendencies of these encounters. I can become subservient to the desperation and ravenous impulses that they leave on me.
Or I can stand up.
Grandma ALWAYS knows best.
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